I just realized that I won’t be able to weigh myself until December so I’m going to spend the next few months making sure that the next time I step on that scale, I’ll be pleasantly surprised to see the number drop. 

So I’m at college now. My parents were here for my first two days so I was eating larger meals at restaurants (which was pretty much the norm for at least 1 meal per day at home) but I did notice that I was snacking less. Like for the past two days I have only had one snack between lunch and dinner and no late night snacks which is very unusual for me. 

I have a good feeling about how college is going to play into my weight loss goals. I know most people are concerned about gaining weight from eating unhealthy food and not exercising as much but I don’t think that will happen to me. At home I rarely exercised (except for a few days once or twice a year) and pretty much ate take out and pre-packaged junk food whenever I felt bored. 

Plus my college campus is very hilly so I am doing a lot of walking on different inclines. And I live on the 7th floor of my building and I have gone up the stairs twice today. 

Today I Ate:
Breakfast: Grapes, apple, water
Lunch: Half a corned beef sandwich on rye and a cup of chicken noodle soup, diet coke
Snack: a few pretzel crisps (5-8??), diet coke
Dinner: Potato salad, chicken drumstick, dinner roll, water 

I’ve been gone for awhile… I was away for some college orientation stuff. I was eating absolute shit the whole time and not making a conscious effort to exercise. But my college campus is quite spread out and very hilly so I guess I did get some exercise. I managed to not gain any weight despite the fact that I was eating fast food 2 times a day for a week. I also lost half an inch from my waist. 
Once I move in to my dorm, I am going to try to eat more reasonably and actually get to the gym a couple times a week. That plus the hilly terrain should be the perfect equation for weight loss success.  

Breakfast: —
Lunch: Lipton chicken noodle soup, diet coke (300 calories)
Snack: Strawberries, grapes, carrots, diet coke (200 calories?)
Dinner:  2 chicken fingers, green beans and carrots (200 calories)

Total so far; 700 calories

Breakfast: 3/4 cup of Raisin Bran, 1/2 cup of 1% milk, water (250 cal)
Lunch: about 1.5 cups of chicken noodle soup, diet coke (250 cal) 
Snack: 8 mini salt and vinegar rice cakes, diet coke (60 cal)
Dinner: can of Zoodles, diet coke (300 cal)
Total so far: 860 calories which means that when I get hungry at midnight (as usual), I can have a 100 calorie pack of popcorn.  

Exercise: 30 minutes on the stationary bike. 10.8 miles, 166 calories. According to Dailymile it was 431 calories. 

Ate popcorn (100 cal) and a mini bagel with cream cheese (215 cal) 

Total: 1175 which I think is a very reasonable total for the day. 

For once in my life, I think I might actually be able to follow through with this whole weight loss thing. I seem to have found an exercise that I don’t absolutely hate (I think 3 days in a row is my personal record) and I have never worked out as hard. I also made very good eating choices today and didn’t feel terribly hungry. I was hungry after I ate pasta for dinner but I think the exercising actually suppressed my cravings. 

I know that 3 days in is way too early to be thinking about stuff like this but I just can’t wait until I can be normal. I have spent the majority of my life being different because I have always been fat. At school, I had to be the smartest to make up for the fact that I was the fattest. I had disregard social norms because my weight did not fall within the social norms. I had to look like a slob all the time because even if I put in effort, I would still be fat. It’s really hard to explain but I just feel like I’ve been over and under compensating in other areas of my life because I’m fat. 

I want to be able to relax and wear nice clothing and make friends easily and be vulnerable around others and have sex and make bad decisions and be confident without that nagging voice in my head telling me that I’m too fat to be doing any of those things. 

Stationary bike for 30 minutes. Went 10.8 miles and it says I burned 166 calories. Dailymile says I burned 438 calories. Either way I’m glad I exercised. 

Breakfast: 4 crackers with peanut butter
Lunch: Chicken noodle soup, diet coke
Snack: Cherries, water
Dinner: Spaghetti with tomato sauce, diet coke

27 minutes on the bike. 150 calories. I feel great. Sweaty, but great. 

Dailymile says I burned 394 calories. If that’s true, I’m quite pleased. 

I’m going to go grocery shopping tomorrow and I’m going to buy nothing but healthy food. 

I did this to myself. I kept eating and eating even when I knew I should have stopped. I hate what I have done to myself. I wasted my teen years being fat and miserable. Now I’ll probably freshman year being fat and miserable. Why didn’t I try to fix this sooner? 

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!!

I want to be thin more than anything.